Finding Joy After Grief
You may not know me well enough to already know this, but if we ever got the chance to sit down and talk, you'd likely realize just how much I love to laugh. It's a constant in my life that many people I know have pointed out. I'm not exaggerating when I say I typically laugh, giggle, or chuckle after most sentences (obviously not when it's inappropriate though—I have self-control). I used to be embarrassed by this (because it's one of those habitual quirks you don't fully notice yourself doing), but it's now a trait that I love about myself and I know God loves about me too.
There was a period of many years, though, where I struggled to really truly feel the joy that my laughter stemmed from. I'm not saying I didn't laugh at all…but it was usually because of others, not from within my own self. I could be having a great time with loved ones and then as soon as it was time to head home I'd feel this sinking feeling in my chest, like I knew it was time to face the reality of my own life again. I struggled with depression, anxiety and just overall darkness for so long, and it climaxed and brought its friend grief along right when I lost my daughter, Amalia, back in July of 2021. I was 39 weeks pregnant, had gone into labor naturally, and arrived at the hospital with my husband ready to give birth, only to find out her heart had stopped.
If you've ever lost a loved one, you can maybe imagine that this event in my life was a turning point, and it threatened to destroy what little life I felt I had left in me.
One of the things that I noticed as I started to look for ways to heal from this grief was that, not only in the world, but also in the church, there are some very concerning mindsets surrounding grief—the one I want to touch on today being that grief is something you'll live with for the rest of your life. It alarmed me because as someone who considers herself to be a professional problem solver, and has faith in God, I couldn't accept that grief was just something to live with for the rest of your life.
Friend, I say this gently and with so much compassion: that's not true—if you know the Lord.
Grief is not forever unless you simply want it to be.
You may struggle with that. You may not want to hear that. You may even get angry with me for saying it. But it's true.
Now, please don't misunderstand me. Grief is a normal part of healing from loss. So much so that Jesus himself says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). Our God is a God of deep compassion. The Bible says that "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18) and "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3). Throughout Scripture, we see people expressing their grief openly—David poured out his heart to God in the Psalms, mourned deeply over the loss of his children, and wasn't afraid to show his tears and vulnerability before the Lord. Hannah wept so bitterly in her grief over being unable to have children that Eli the priest thought she was drunk, but she was crying out to God (1 Samuel 1:10-15). Tears are powerful and can be healing in God's presence.
Grief can come from many places—losing someone to death, walking through divorce, saying goodbye to a career you loved, experiencing miscarriage, watching a friendship end, or mourning dreams that never materialized. No matter what you're grieving, it all matters to God. And if you've been struggling with grief lately, I don't want you to ever feel ashamed about the process you're in. I just want to encourage you that the process has an end, and you can trust God to bring you to that end and give you new life today.
So how do you find joy again when you feel stuck in grief?
You pour everything out to Him.
Pour out grief
Pour out sadness
Pour out praise and worship
Pour out surrender
Pour out laughter
Pour out tears
Pour out anger
Run to Him in EVERY MOMENT. Be raw and vulnerable, and trust Him to heal every part of you. Remain in His presence, because as David said, "in Your presence is fullness of joy" (Psalm 16:11). Receiving God’s joy is a choice. I promise you, He’s not making you work for it or earn it. You are His child, and in His Kingdom there is joy, peace, and righteousness. Isaiah 61:3 says that He “gives beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” As you receive and you heal, you'll start to notice how much more room there is in your heart for joy. As you release your cares to Him, His joy can come in and strengthen you. But if you harden your heart, not only can the dark not come out, but the light won't be able to fully come in and remain. Like I said, it’s a choice, and I encourage you to continue to choose joy.
One thing I would notice about myself is that I’d sometimes get frustrated with my process—not because I didn't want to come to Him but because I wanted to be done with this part. But suppressing won't help anything; bringing it all at the feet of Jesus will. There's a difference between making a choice to reject certain feelings/thoughts because you’re confident in where you are and pretending even though you know you're not quite there yet.
There are times where His comfort will look like Him holding you as you weep, then there are times when He'll encourage you to stand up and fight against everything trying to keep you stuck. Both are valid, both are important to the Lord. But no one is better at knowing what you need than God. So you need to get in the habit of simply running boldly to the throne of grace to find help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16). Don't compare your process to anyone else's no matter how short or long or difficult it may feel. Have faith that the Lord will bring you through the process in His timing (that can be faster than most think), and let the Healer heal.
Practical Steps That Helped Me
Here are some practical steps you can also take that helped me as I was going through my own process:
Reading the Bible, praying, and worshiping consistently - Spending time in God's Word, in prayer, and in worship daily keeps you connected to Him. Praying Scripture out loud can be especially powerful, especially when you feel at a loss for words—let God's Word become your prayer. Worship invites His presence into your pain and shifts your focus from your circumstances to His faithfulness.
Journaling - Sometimes writing things out to the Lord feels easier than saying them out loud. This is a form of prayer as well. Tip: you can use 2 different colored pens—one to write your words and the other to write His response.
Finding new hobbies - look for things that you enjoy, get out there again and live your life, making the most of the blessing it is to be alive
Dreaming again, even if it feels small - This can look like revisiting old things you wanted to do that you never got around to. For me it was going back to school, which ended up leading me to what I do in my business today.
Spending time with friends and family - It's easy to want to isolate when you're grieving but community is so important. Reach out to close friends even if it's just to talk, cry, laugh, or plan for some quality time together.
Being part of a Holy Spirit-filled church community - Find a church that teaches the Bible, believes in deliverance, the supernatural, and the full work of the Spirit. This kind of community is essential because you need people around you who can speak life, pray with you in power, and help you see beyond your current circumstances into what God is doing. Healing doesn't happen in isolation—it happens in the presence of God and among His people.
Rest - I'm the type of person where when I face a problem that feels unsolvable I can become restless trying to figure it out, but I've had to learn to give it to God and sometimes literally just go to sleep (or sit down somewhere, LOL).
Christian counseling - Please use discernment for this one. I tried about 5-6 different counselors before finding the right one, but when I did, it was life-changing. I not only processed my loss but also worked through other areas that needed healing, ultimately positioning me for more breakthrough in my life. The best Christian counseling empowers you in the process of renewing your mind rather than keeping you comfortable in your brokenness. If God is leading you to seek counseling and you’re still searching, don't be discouraged—be willing to keep trying until you find the right person, and don't be afraid to move on quickly if you sense they're not the right fit. You want someone who helps you process both the natural and spiritual aspects of your situation (many have the label of Christianity but don't fully grasp the supernatural, deliverance, or the spirit realm in general—it can feel like talking to a motivational speaker instead of a spirit-filled counselor). My non-negotiables: Holy Spirit-filled, doesn't exclude spiritual aspects of issues, female (my preference), and experience with my specific situation was a bonus but not required.
No matter where you are in your journey, seek the Lord on what steps you should take.
Scriptures to Meditate On
These scriptures have helped me in my journey and will help you too.
Psalm 18 - I prayed this over and over, and it comforted me knowing God would vindicate what the enemy had done to my family
Psalm 34
Psalm 56
The story of Hannah - 1 Samuel 1:1–2:21
Isaiah 41
Resources & Recommendations
Please note: This section of the post contains some affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links below, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. I'm grateful for your support, and I only recommend resources that have truly helped me in my own walk with the Lord.
Christian Counselors
Books
Psalms for A Season of Grief by Donica Liu Baker
Finding Me In The Mess by Emily Strickland - Not specifically about grieving, but it walks through her testimony and breaking cycles of low self-esteem and healing from trauma. She also has a book on her testimony of healing and receiving forgiveness for the abortions she had as a young woman: Sorting Through My Aborting, if that resonates with you.
The Gift of Tears by Corey Russell
YouTube Videos
Worship Playlist
Creative Prompt
Write a letter to the Lord about whatever feelings and thoughts you have that are connected to the situation that has caused grief. Then, sit and listen, and write out His response as it comes. Don’t overthink it.
Prayer
Pray this out loud
Lord, I thank you that you are the
If you’d like to share anything connected to this blog post, or what God has been doing in this season of your life in general, I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to email me at giselle@creatinghallelujahs.com or message me on Instagram @creatinghallelujahs. I check those regularly, and everything stays confidential unless you give permission to share.
